Monday, January 12, 2015

if we show up, gonna show out

I ended my first semester of grad school on a bad note.  All semester long I felt so encouraged and excited by the work I was doing, awed by the things my peers were writing and posting, so engaged in the whole learning process.  It had been over three years since I'd been in a classroom, and I'd forgotten what a thrill that can be.  I tracked my grades all semester and never received any indication that I was on track for less than A's all around, so I was shocked when the final grades came and I had a B.  I won't tell you exactly how much I cried, because it's embarrassing, but I went back and forth with my professor and the whole thing just left me feeling sad and discouraged.  I was so disappointed to end the semester on that note.
I've been kind of a sad sack about it all, which kept me from getting all giddy-excited about my second semester.  I kept looking at it with this kind of "Okay, gear up, back to school" kind of attitude, forgetting how this program makes me feel when I'm engaged in it.  This morning David suggested he take Clark to the arcade so I could have a quiet house for an hour or two to get my semester started.  It felt like such a gift.  I logged into Blackboard, opened my planner, started getting my week organized, and it all just kind of washed over me again.  I am so lucky!  I love this!  How did I forget about the soul-stretching effect this all has on me?  It felt so good to be in that mental space again, to be adding "Watch Sedaris videos" and "Read Ai poem" to my planner. I LOVE DOING THIS! If you're tired of blog posts like this, well, I'm sorry. I'm just so excited.

5 comments:

  1. I am a long time reader but have never before commented, so first I must apologize for being a lame follower. haha Anyway, I just had to say thank you for sharing this and all your other posts about college. It's not too often that one hears about an LDS girl going to grad school. Pursuing higher education is one of my main goals, so it is beyond encouraging to see someone earn an advanced degree while balancing family life and the gospel at the same time. Thank you so much for inspiring me and showing me that my dreams are possible (well, at least the college ones. I'm guessing my life goal of meeting Taylor Swift while riding a unicorn through a city of cats probably isn't going to happen, but I'll keep dreaming.) ;)

    Sarah
    http://sprinklesonmyicecream.blogspot.com/

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    1. We share that same life goal, Sarah! I'm so happy you commented and thank you for being so sweet about my grad school posts. An MFA felt like a pipe dream for so long that I still can't believe it's actually happening and I'm able to do it while being home with my son. I feel very lucky to have it all working out like this. I'm so happy to have you along as a reader here!

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  2. Grades are the WORST. In my program nothing is graded but the final so everything rides on that and man, I'm with you on the crying over anything in the B range. When you put your heart and soul into something and someone else finds it lacking, it can be so discouraging. I'm still waiting for a few of my grades so the stress is still in full force but know that I am with you, sister.

    My first semester I didn't get the grades I wanted and I went to a professor for some words of wisdom (and shed a few tears in front of her) and she said: "I know you worked hard and you know what? You just have to keep your head down and work harder. Keep working." Which doesn't sound overly encouraging now that I write it out but it was challenging me to keep going. It led to one of the best semesters of work I have ever completed. Keep you head down and keep working at it - you've got this, Bran. I'm so proud of you.

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