I ended my first semester of grad school on a bad note. All semester long I felt so encouraged and excited by the work I was doing, awed by the things my peers were writing and posting, so engaged in the whole learning process. It had been over three years since I'd been in a classroom, and I'd forgotten what a thrill that can be. I tracked my grades all semester and never received any indication that I was on track for less than A's all around, so I was shocked when the final grades came and I had a B. I won't tell you exactly how much I cried, because it's embarrassing, but I went back and forth with my professor and the whole thing just left me feeling sad and discouraged. I was so disappointed to end the semester on that note.
I've been kind of a sad sack about it all, which kept me from getting all giddy-excited about my second semester. I kept looking at it with this kind of "Okay, gear up, back to school" kind of attitude, forgetting how this program makes me feel when I'm engaged in it. This morning David suggested he take Clark to the arcade so I could have a quiet house for an hour or two to get my semester started. It felt like such a gift. I logged into Blackboard, opened my planner, started getting my week organized, and it all just kind of washed over me again. I am so lucky! I love this! How did I forget about the soul-stretching effect this all has on me? It felt so good to be in that mental space again, to be adding "Watch Sedaris videos" and "Read Ai poem" to my planner. I LOVE DOING THIS! If you're tired of blog posts like this, well, I'm sorry. I'm just so excited.