Thursday, June 12, 2014

all the broken hearts in the world still beat

An outfit because..um...I didn't know what else to post with these loud thoughts
Target sandals & t-shirt tied over an Old Navy maxi. World Market necklace, Nena & Co. bag.

I am always hesitant to add my voice into a chorus of well-spoken thoughts. My thoughts feel jumbled and it's hard to articulate all that I feel and is there anything I can say that hasn't already been said?  Religion is such a touchy subject, and even sometimes the culture around the gospel that I love so much can feel like it's an all-or-nothing situation. Last night, I read that NY Times article that's going viral--you know the one--and I had to take a moment to stop and examine my own feelings.  I wondered if what I was feeling was anger, or bitterness, or maybe a siding with the officials of the church I align myself with?  What I came away with was sadness.  I feel sad.  I feel sad for this division, and I feel sad because identifying as a feminist or an equal rights proponent (which I do, by the way, wholeheartedly) seems to separate me from people I love very much.  It makes me examine where I stand, which I think is a good thing--I feel like faith is blind when you don't search for answers, right?  Sometimes it makes me feel guilty for believing this is a true and beautiful gospel (which I do, by the way, wholeheartedly). The bottom line that I keep skittering away from and then circling back to is that I have doubts, so many of them, and I also have faith.  So much faith.  Reconciling the two can make my head and my heart hurt sometimes, but when I'm using this capable brain and this huge heart to look for truth, I find a calm in the center of all these things.  Right now my truth is that I am LDS.  My God loves His children--not just male children, not just heterosexual children, not just children with firm and unshakable testimonies. All of us.  I am learning how to build all other things around that truth.

Healing words from smart women: Poetic and beautiful post by Ashmaeoh my gosh THIS THIS THIS post about staying in the LDS churchCarrie's post on black, white, and grey...any others you want to send me?

6 comments:

  1. Amen. And thank you for those links!

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  2. Thank you so much for making me a part of your beautiful post. I think that now is the time for these voices of honesty and sincerity to take us to a better place in this religion we call home. I feel so much comfort in finding others who feel similarly.

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  3. So, I'm atheist. Raised religiousish, but just never believed in any of it. And I must again compliment you on the way your express yourself. I can identify with how you are feeling, even though we don't share many of the same beliefs. I hope you continue to find peace and happiness in your religion. I know having people who claim to share your beliefs be...crappy...can suck. Hugs!

    PS that dress sitch is cute. I always feel kind of stupid in maxi dresses, and I can't pin exactly why.

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  4. Thanks for this, Brandilyn. I wish I could sit in a room with you and Carrie and Liz and chat. I need a chat. I have so many doubts lately--none of them spurred by the priesthood debate. So many things don't make sense to me, but this is where I've come to know truth, so I stay. Thanks for the links.

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  5. This is beautiful and well said. Thank you.

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  6. I hear you. I struggled reconciling my feelings too, this is what I came up with
    http://leapsandboundswithnelli.blogspot.com/2014/06/thoughts.html

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I think you're smart, pretty, & entitled to your own opinion.

I'd love it if the feeling was mutual!